🤝 19 July 2023 Good Enough, Today
I’m still shaky.
It feels like my heart is fighting to break free.
This month, hell this entire year have not been the easiest.
I’m constantly bombarded by challenges, fuck-ups, the demands of adult life.
I won’t deny - sometimes I wish I could leave it all behind and sail away to remote coconut islands.
Parts of me have not yet adjusted to responsibility, to tackling situations head-on.
It’s easier to run away.
Trust me, I’ve done it in every shape and form.
But it’s when I go into the lion’s den,
that makes me thrive.
Today, the biggest challenge I face is money.
It’s been a rollercoaster ride, the last 4,5 years.
Ever since I quit DV, Warsaw, I haven’t regained any of the financial comfort I once had.
I never thought how hard it would be to create, build a life that both fulfills and provides.
My new craft is a much trickier affair than getting a fat finance paycheck on 10th each month.
I have to fight, and I do, for every penny in.
It often feels like I’m losing.
I haven’t been abroad in 3+ years.
I wear the same clothes I bought 10 years ago.
I work all the time, but my bank account is still dry.
Only recently have I realized what it’s really all about.
I’m scared.
I’m scared of leaving Tczew / my parents.
I’m scared of sharing my work.
I’m scared if I’m good enough.
I’m scared if I’m on a right path.
I’m scared if I’m not a psycho.
I’m scared if I’ll ever make it.
But most of all:
I’m scared to be myself.
The common thread of my life is BECOMING.
Always on the move towards the better, the upgraded, the good enough.
Who I am, who I was has never felt as such.
Deep inside, I was convinced I’m a parasite.
Broken.
Only turning pro, massive success could validate my being in this world.
Without it, I’m just stealing air.
I know where this horror narrative stems from.
But today is not about the past.
It’s about a new perspective.
So here we are.
A turning point.
The moment in my movie, where I look myself in the Soul and say:
I trust you.
I want you.
I love you.
I care for you.
I’m good enough.
The coming episodes will emerge from a place of abundance, sincerity, joy.
I’m breaking free from acting not to feel the pain, reactive to demons of days long gone.
I’m good enough, today & that’s my new home.
Forever, Bartosz
🏖️ Amazing Things:
🏖️ Second Mission Day / Metropolia Foodhall / Lidl
This time it was business with Michał.
He helped us immensely.
Thank you, brother!
🏖️ Hugi
“My brain” - asked what’s his favourite part of the body
“Can you juggle?” - repeated 4x to both Nati & me in go-to-sleep slot
Touch before sleep and him falling asleep hugged to me
🏖️ Falstart
<consored> / Gastro / Talking
