🌅 Morning
Boroszewo, Poland
This melody transmits so many emotions.
Somehow, it’s both uplifting and sad.
Nostalgic yet hopeful.
Delicate but so powerful.
Could I also learn this wizardry?
Isn’t being fully alive, the goal I aspire to, exactly a skill of witnessing all waves, surfing joyfully regardless of the changing emotional states?
I will never be only ecstatic.
It’s impossible to not feel fear.
There will come moments of grief, despair, and feeling lost.
Trying not to ever feel the pain, turning my head away from problems, pretending to be only “happy” leads to nothing.
Misery.
I feel overwhelmed with my current situation.
I wish I had time to work on my stuff, my projects.
I crave some time alone.
I need rest.
I’d love nothing more than to hit pause, smoke a fatty, and do nothing.
I envy everyone who’s free to decide how he’ll spend today.
I feel like a slave.
See?
Immediately better.
I can only carry so much weight.
Sometimes, a release is essential.
Admitting how I really feel is the first step towards coming back to neutral/good.


🌘 Evening
Boroszewo, Poland
It’s couple minutes after 23.
I just took a shower, devoured a fat chunk of halva, and now I’m sitting in the living room alongside Tula.
So far I enjoy the second (furry) baby around.
It requires a bit more caution & logistics, but also delivers the LOLs.
A lot of them.
As a matter of fact, I just smiled at her clumsy attempt to catch a fly.
She’s so intense about this hobby / hunt.
Now, if only she could refocus to catching mice…
We’re on war track, fuckers.
Anyways, today’s been a mixed bag.
Now, I’m feeling like a king, bloody emperor.
Ace of hearts.
But it wasn’t like this before.
Actually, most of today I’ve spent under the rainy cloud, foggy in my mind.
What happened?
I guess it was a combination of factors:
No time for morning routine (Nati had an ugly night and needed to recover in the morning)
Little-to-none rest any time in the last couple of weeks (when was the last time I felt I could do NOTHING without any regret/guilt?)
Work pressure / anxiety build-up (v. little time for my stuff + high expectations + head full of ideas + money pressure = 😖)
General aura of tiredness & gloom (weather + my “roommates”)
I hate when I turn into a dementor, and I’ve been one at times today.
There’s no excuse for behaving like a lifesuckin’ leech, Barti.
You’re skilled & strong-willed enough to take reign of your emotions, to remain composed even if things don’t go to your overidealized plan.
It’s days like this that are a true test of your life-mastery.
Remain loving, calm regardless of the outside.
Always.
Hey, I didn’t come here to lecture myself on zen.
Let’s stuff our cutie cheeks with some delicious moments.
Magic of today:
🌟 German Volume Chest Training +🎵Jake the Rapper @ Garbicz 2023
Boom.
That’s how I fucking roll.
The sensation of raw power combined with pumping, stomping beats immediately cured me out of misery.
Go to the fucking gym.
🌟 The cozy moments on the bed as a family of four (3 pax + one dog)
Nothing outwardly spectacular, yet for me very magical.
I can’t precisely pinpoint why, but something about these light-hearted, all-together moments felt very real, and natural.
As if it was supposed to be just this exact way, not any other way round.
A good sign for things to come.
🌟 Sneakin-in some work
I used every free minute to move the ball forward.
Choosing photos for the journals here, some transcribing there, writing to top it off.
When I really want something, I will always find a way.
🌟 “It’s not supposed to be easy”
This chorus from Jake’s set hit me h-a-r-d.
Maybe it really isn’t about no friction, but being buff, determined, skillful & street smart enough to pull it (whatever “it” may be) off?
There’s massive satisfaction to be gained from tackling the lofty challenges.
Hunting for dead / injured / safe prey does not make one feel Alive!
🌟 Refeed / cheat day
I stuffed my face with everything I could lay my hands on.
Cookies, halva, yogurt, granola, burgers, dumplings, scrambled tofu, fruits, really all. (ofc protein shake too… gotta get those gainzzz)
It’s okay to let loose once in a while.
Batteries charged, now back to form.
🌟 Allowing (inviting?) freedom into my creative practice
These new entries look different than anything I’ve produced in the past.
And I love it.
It’s time to let go of ANY limitations, fixed concepts about what my output “should be”.
Instead, focus on having fun, experimenting, and following
1) curiosity
2) love.
Effects will blossom.
It’s midnight now, time to sleep.
One closing remark:
I am great just the way I am.
I don’t need to strive so much to become “ideal”.
It’s not about hitting perfect daily publishing streak, only creating profound & viral (ofc at the same time) works, or being adored by everyone.
Focus on what naturally ignites me.
Do more of me-stuff.
Let go of trying to people-please.
Kill the obsession with likes.
Trust my instinct.
Embrace the full weirdness.
Be ALL I AM!
AND KEEP MOVING.
