🏋️ 28 October 2023 Or, do?
🌘 Evening
Boroszewo, Poland
It’s 11 pm.
Something really strange just happened.
I got hit by a random sadness wave, completely out of nowhere.
Everything was fine.
We had a great day with Hugi, and watched Top Model (as we always do on Saturdays) with Nati.
Suddenly a crash.
Intense motherfucker.
Things like this don’t happen to me anymore!
What is going on?
Is it simply my body’s way of asking for rest?
I haven’t slept nor relaxed much in the last…
… Oh well...
…it’s hard to even remember the last chill day…
I feel I’m approaching my capacity.
Battery indicator flickers orange.
Do not cross the line
I repeat, do not cross the line.
Or, do?
Maybe it’s exactly beyond my current limits where I find who I really am?
Maybe it’s not big of an issue to have this period of increased intensity?
Maybe the demands I face are what I need today?
Let’s assume it’s a mix of both.
I do need rest & reset, but I also thrive off the challenge.
As always, the magic is in the balance.
I thought I’d skip today’s recap and do it tomorrow,
but as I am already writing,
why not close the day off in style,
end on a high?
Today was another adventure day.
Another day in Gdańsk, my second home of the moment.
I’m really tired, so I’ll keep it just to essentials.
⭐ Stolling the Old Town
quick visit to a Halloween-styled cafeteria & bat-decorated cookie
fascination with Neptun, guardian of the sea and its men.
catching the (real) fish
riding the golden lion
candy shop
⭐ Molo Brzezno Nap time
lil nap drama (classic)
scootering around (he’s so good…)
another K.O. (this time Paw Patrol x Octonauts crossover tale won)
finishing off the Taco album (rare delicacy)
coffee time (j’Adore)
⭐ Ikea
shit situation <don’t ask>
massive fall in the restaurant line (thanks god nothing happened → it was the worst crash in our history)
crazy cart (I do believe we might hold the goofiest ride record after this one. Total mayhem)
playground / toys fun
massive sweets shopping
“To discover and expand knowledge for the benefit of humanity” T-shit → msg from the Universe
Apart from that:
⭐ Illegal couch-napping post-comeback (I was so tired Hugi literally stepped on my head, and I couldn't wake up)
⭐ some Tula sheningans (she *needs* to accompany me in shower…)
⭐ Top Model (already mentioned → staple)
⭐ And the super clarifying meditation in the morning + writing (covered in detail further)
If there’s anything I want to remember from this day it’s
a) That my constant investing into making Hugi happy is definitely paying off
Our relationship is thriving, he loves being around me, and I actually enjoy our time together [It’s all way easier than it was when I was closed off…]
The way he’s looking at me pre-bath, his trust in me, how we are both getting better at non-violent communication → something is working here. 100%
I love being this dad.
Soft, caring, equal.
b) How mood follows action
I’m throwing myself fully into these days.
Not trying to conserve energy, not thinking I could be elsewhere, not bitching about the situation.
Shut up & give.
And everything works out.
Rinse & repeat.
Full service.
…And the go-carts.
The fricking go-carts.
Madness, just the way I like it baby <3
PS. Another highlight - going thru this week’s photos, and seeing how many amazing things we’ve done; how much I’ve done for Hugo. Proud of the work.
PS2. Video / reel / teaser from this period? Even just for myself… Snapshot from the good times!
SUPER SAYAGIN!
🈚 BONUS: Interesting threads from today’s meditation
I. 🎭 Focusing on my creative practice, but losing the perfectionist “publish every day” shackles
Okay, it’s time to drop the no.1 burden & constraint that has been stopping me from thriving and see it for what it really is: FEAR.
I've been postponing sharing & promoting my works until the day I’m sure I can keep a perfect streak of daily publishing.
This vision has penetrated my thinking so deeply, it has become a fixation, needless limitation.
Now, I see what it was really all about:
I’ve hidden my fear of exposing myself under the perfectionist “every day publihshing” umbrella.
Bullshit.
It’s fear. fear. fear.
It’s time to accept I might never be able to keep the perfect publishing schedule.
It’s naive to expect my life to be this organised, and I’m not even sure if I’d like it that way.
Maybe some creators can make the perfect daily thing happen, hats off to you guys.
But really, I know nothing about their backstage.
Are they also parents who often run on low sleep?
Do they have million other commitments that are non-negotiable?
Is their energy sometimes needed in side quests that have nothing to do with the work?
It’s high time I accepted I might never be perfect, and do the best with what I have.
Actually, it might even work better this way.
One day, my works drop on the same night.
Other time 3 days in a row.
Then a radio silence which builds up tension.
Mega drop.
Back to daily.
Exciting!
Pre-emptively limiting myself to a single mode of operating is not only preventing me from starting, but also taking away my freedom.
No, no, no.
This fixation is going to trash.
Now.
Wooosh…
A physical release just followed.
Letting to like it’s a mission,
Turning light.
II. 👩⚕️ Project Journal : Data / AI Therapy
I vividly visualized how it could play out, and I LOVED this vision.
Who said I need to limit myself to just creating journals?
Yes, that’s the backbone of what I do for now, and I want to invest lots & lots of my energy & focus & time into this project.
But I am also open to other projects, other quests.
And the AI Therapy / Journal : Data one seems like a super interesting one, enough to at least give it a chance.
I can imagine myself working alongside some uber-smart AI / Science wizards helping them create a solution for people’s anxieties & broken spirits.
I’d never want to be a CEO of a company that does this, but as an outside satellite, “expert” who consults, advises, observes, why not?
It’s not a far-flung vision.
My data & experiences do hold a LOT of value for players in this space.
If I play my cards right, this could be exactly the kind of gig that solves my financial considerations for a longer period of time, gives back to the world, helps me understand myself better, teaches, puts me into a network of interesting people, really… what’s not to like?
To calm down my creative / journal part:
I’m telling you again.
This is not a trick to stop you from creating.
Conversely, it’s a tactical maneuver to invite even more freedom & easygoingness into our core practice.
Imagine how amazing creating would feel if some / all of the financial weight has been lifted?
Money buys freedom & peace of mind.
And these two allow greater art to happen.
First step?
I could write a message to the Tallinn company.
I could write a post about it on Linkedin / Twitter.
I could message someone at OpenAI (preferably a smaller, more nimble startup).
I could comment on Huberman’s Instagram / Twitter and ask for recommendations on who to talk to.
Just give it some time.
Two hours!
