🌅 Morning
Boroszewo, Poland
Sunday.
Today We (Hugi + me) are meeting my parents + M&Ms for diner.
I’m super happy about it.
Great company, fresh activity (something different from what we’ve been doing with H this week), and delicious (free) food.
Petarda.
Today I’m taking it easier.
Light training, no intense breathwork, a plan not to be overly obsessed about providing constant entertainment to Hugi.
I need to chill a bit.
This week was fabulous, but also exhausting.
It’s okay to admit I’m tired & need rest.
By accident (ok… algorithm), I’ve become an owner of a new book:
“Inner Game of Tennis”.
I’ve only read 15 pages so far, but already grasp (& adore) the main message:
Peak performance comes from not trying too hard, from a still (no)mind, from being flowy natural.
I know it’s true.
I do hope this book will guide me how to tap into this state of “intense without tense” more consistently.
I will report along the way…
Easy winning.
On a different note, I feel super proud of myself for NAILING the opportunity to bond with Hugi this week.
We’re so close now, so tender.
It was the best decision to play this Nati work-hand this way.
What else…
It feels nice to be writing like this ↑ again.
It kinda brings me back to the times when I only started writing and did it without any ideas or restraints.
This journal (so far) is my favourite one just for this very reason → I’m allowing whatever to happen, following along the primal instinct.
Unlearning.
I’m kinda concerned how to organise playtime for Hugi in the first part of the day.
The shopping malls are closed.
The weather is shit.
We’re a little bit sick.
Uhhhh…
I’ll figure it out…
I always do.
Just relax, and allow the events to naturally unravel.
No tension.
No excessive pushing.
No anxiety.
Put in the work, and let reality work its magic.
🌘 Evening
Boroszewo, Polan
Fall essentials.
Chillhop, fingers dirty with ink, fireplace crackin’.
We in da good place, Homie.
I’m still surprised how well I feel despite the load I get to carry daily.
I of the past would break under these circumstances.
Me of today, thrives.
Really, this might be one of the best periods of my life.
I feel strong, real, connected.
And full of love.
Flowin’.
Today’s highlights:
⭐ “Pati & Poseidon” Movie in Metropolia Cinema
I adore cinema with the lil H.
The way he hugs my hand when action on the screen gets too intense (quite a few of these moments during today’s screening → not the best movie for a 2y9m boy I must admit)
How ecstatic he is about the whole event (better than Christmas)
How real I feel being there with him (hard to put in words feeling of being tangible, normal, and grateful for it)
Oh, and these cutie-pie words he whispered mid-movie, in full serious voice “You are my Daddy”
How not to love the big screen days?
⭐ That fuzzy warm moment waiting for the movie, in the foodhall
Hugi was so tired (no nap day) he started lying first on the floor, then after my encouragement on the low poufs.
I caressed his hair, told him stories, did my best to bring him calm & comfort.
The result?
Pretty, pretty moments, a memory to cherish (& write about)
⭐ Italian dinner with my Parents and M&Ms
Not the easiest, most chilled-out dining experience of the lifetime, but still a great memory.
Everybody in good moods, things flowing naturally despite obvious challenges, great food & some laughs.
Tutto Bene.
⭐ Dance Dance revolution
My mum accompanied us on our way back in the car.
Her role was to entertain Hugi so that he a) feels good & b) doesn’t fall asleep.
Nailed it.
She did her absolute best, and delivered a top performance.
At one point Hugi was laughing so hard he couldn’t stop.
Love seeing you throw such moves, Mum.
Thank you & love you.
⭐ That proud / good job look I caught in my dad’s eyes when I told him we (finally) got the insurance, debt payoff, and other adulty stuff done
This meant a lot to me.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so attached to his approval or disapproval, maybe it’s a sign I’m still trying to please him.
I don’t care.
It felt brilliant to get a silent nod of approval from my zenji.
Learning from the very best, Dad!
⭐ The game of pretend
Hugi was the daddy, I was the infant.
He was so caring towards me, so thoughtful & well-meaning.
When Natalia also noticed it, she asked “And it’s reeeeeealy curious who could he have learned that from?”
I shed a tear.
Am I really a good Dad?
⭐ Being more vocal about my boundaries
I’m increasingly more straightforward in communicating my feels & needs with Hugi.
I am not allowing to be yelled at without good reason, that’s for starters.
I oppose getting hit / clawed.
I put a limit on the intensity of the tantrums.
I don’t allow (too) risky or straight-up other’s-freedom-stealing behaviours.
Generally, I’m doing more “parental” work, yet somehow I don’t feel like I’m becoming a “father”.
I’m still your best friend (I hope so), equal, Daddy.
I just invest more in guiding you towards being more humane.
Loving. Strong. Calm.
⭐ Dino eggs, magnetic figurines, plastic horse rides, the little joys of being a toddler
I just can’t say no to the little pleasures.
I remember how much I loved the feeling of putting 1 złoty / 2 złoty / 5 złoty (rarity) into the coin slot & turning that silver knob until a treasure ball popped out.
How could I not give my best man the same joy?
⭐ Inner Game of Tennis
Loving this book so far.
Another piece of the puzzle.
So happy it found me.
⭐ Making breakfast listening to chill beats.
What can I say…
Another great one for the book(s).
Now let’s go get some sleep.
More adventures await tomorrow.
PS. Writing feels the best lately. Both morning and current sessions are the day’s highlights in their own respect. #Blessed.
PS2. The couple of msgs exchanged with Gregi → nice too. Talk soon?
PS3. Barti, I love you <3 I just wanted to let you know, Pal.
PS4. I’m on the roll.
PS5. Having fun.
PS6. Go get some sleep.
PS7. Even more love, Love.