š
Morning
Boroszewo, Poland
Sunday.
Today We (Hugi + me) are meeting my parents + M&Ms for diner.
Iām super happy about it.
Great company, fresh activity (something different from what weāve been doing with H this week), and delicious (free) food.
Petarda.
Today Iām taking it easier.
Light training, no intense breathwork, a plan not to be overly obsessed about providing constant entertainment to Hugi.
I need to chill a bit.
This week was fabulous, but also exhausting.
Itās okay to admit Iām tired & need rest.
By accident (okā¦ algorithm), Iāve become an owner of a new book:
āInner Game of Tennisā.
Iāve only read 15 pages so far, but already grasp (& adore) the main message:
Peak performance comes from not trying too hard, from a still (no)mind, from being flowy natural.
I know itās true.
I do hope this book will guide me how to tap into this state of āintense without tenseā more consistently.
I will report along the wayā¦
Easy winning.
On a different note, I feel super proud of myself for NAILING the opportunity to bond with Hugi this week.
Weāre so close now, so tender.
It was the best decision to play this Nati work-hand this way.
What elseā¦
It feels nice to be writing like this ā again.
It kinda brings me back to the times when I only started writing and did it without any ideas or restraints.
This journal (so far) is my favourite one just for this very reason ā Iām allowing whatever to happen, following along the primal instinct.
Unlearning.
Iām kinda concerned how to organise playtime for Hugi in the first part of the day.
The shopping malls are closed.
The weather is shit.
Weāre a little bit sick.
Uhhhhā¦
Iāll figure it outā¦
I always do.
Just relax, and allow the events to naturally unravel.
No tension.
No excessive pushing.
No anxiety.
Put in the work, and let reality work its magic.
š Evening
Boroszewo, Polan
Fall essentials.
Chillhop, fingers dirty with ink, fireplace crackinā.
We in da good place, Homie.
Iām still surprised how well I feel despite the load I get to carry daily.
I of the past would break under these circumstances.
Me of today, thrives.
Really, this might be one of the best periods of my life.
I feel strong, real, connected.
And full of love.
Flowinā.
Todayās highlights:
ā āPati & Poseidonā Movie in Metropolia Cinema
I adore cinema with the lil H.
The way he hugs my hand when action on the screen gets too intense (quite a few of these moments during todayās screening ā not the best movie for a 2y9m boy I must admit)
How ecstatic he is about the whole event (better than Christmas)
How real I feel being there with him (hard to put in words feeling of being tangible, normal, and grateful for it)
Oh, and these cutie-pie words he whispered mid-movie, in full serious voice āYou are my Daddyā
How not to love the big screen days?
ā That fuzzy warm moment waiting for the movie, in the foodhall
Hugi was so tired (no nap day) he started lying first on the floor, then after my encouragement on the low poufs.
I caressed his hair, told him stories, did my best to bring him calm & comfort.
The result?
Pretty, pretty moments, a memory to cherish (& write about)
ā Italian dinner with my Parents and M&Ms
Not the easiest, most chilled-out dining experience of the lifetime, but still a great memory.
Everybody in good moods, things flowing naturally despite obvious challenges, great food & some laughs.
Tutto Bene.
ā Dance Dance revolution
My mum accompanied us on our way back in the car.
Her role was to entertain Hugi so that he a) feels good & b) doesnāt fall asleep.
Nailed it.
She did her absolute best, and delivered a top performance.
At one point Hugi was laughing so hard he couldnāt stop.
Love seeing you throw such moves, Mum.
Thank you & love you.
ā That proud / good job look I caught in my dadās eyes when I told him we (finally) got the insurance, debt payoff, and other adulty stuff done
This meant a lot to me.
Maybe I shouldnāt be so attached to his approval or disapproval, maybe itās a sign Iām still trying to please him.
I donāt care.
It felt brilliant to get a silent nod of approval from my zenji.
Learning from the very best, Dad!
ā The game of pretend
Hugi was the daddy, I was the infant.
He was so caring towards me, so thoughtful & well-meaning.
When Natalia also noticed it, she asked āAnd itās reeeeeealy curious who could he have learned that from?ā
I shed a tear.
Am I really a good Dad?
ā Being more vocal about my boundaries
Iām increasingly more straightforward in communicating my feels & needs with Hugi.
I am not allowing to be yelled at without good reason, thatās for starters.
I oppose getting hit / clawed.
I put a limit on the intensity of the tantrums.
I donāt allow (too) risky or straight-up otherās-freedom-stealing behaviours.
Generally, Iām doing more āparentalā work, yet somehow I donāt feel like Iām becoming a āfatherā.
Iām still your best friend (I hope so), equal, Daddy.
I just invest more in guiding you towards being more humane.
Loving. Strong. Calm.
ā Dino eggs, magnetic figurines, plastic horse rides, the little joys of being a toddler
I just canāt say no to the little pleasures.
I remember how much I loved the feeling of putting 1 zÅoty / 2 zÅoty / 5 zÅoty (rarity) into the coin slot & turning that silver knob until a treasure ball popped out.
How could I not give my best man the same joy?
ā Inner Game of Tennis
Loving this book so far.
Another piece of the puzzle.
So happy it found me.
ā Making breakfast listening to chill beats.
What can I sayā¦
Another great one for the book(s).
Now letās go get some sleep.
More adventures await tomorrow.
PS. Writing feels the best lately. Both morning and current sessions are the dayās highlights in their own respect. #Blessed.
PS2. The couple of msgs exchanged with Gregi ā nice too. Talk soon?
PS3. Barti, I love you <3 I just wanted to let you know, Pal.
PS4. Iām on the roll.
PS5. Having fun.
PS6. Go get some sleep.
PS7. Even more love, Love.