8 December 2023, Fuengirola
5 days until we go back.
I wanted to say “home”
but it certainly doesn’t feel like it.
Boroszewo was amazing for Us.
But we outgrew it.
I did.
This trip smashed through my separation anxiety
and proved I need a new map to explore
Another thing: my sharp behaviours towards Hugo.
Okay, I’m a good dad 98% of the time.
But lately, I’ve been quite furious too.
There is a part of me who uses domination & anger as a tool to make him walk my way, to silence his needs & feelings.
It’s cruel.
I can do better.
I guess part of my behaviour stems from <censored>.
But that’s not an excuse.
Again, can & will do better.
We’re touching upon a bigger topic here.
Did I lose some of my kindness & softness & openness?
I definitely do not feel in my prime in these dimensions of life.
It’s not a dramatic situation, everything is still fine, even more than fine.
But I do feel I want to be more tender, more often.