Hugi is asleep.
I’m enjoying my first proper moment off today.
I loved almost everything about this day, but I’ll admit it: single player parenting is exhausting.
It feels awesome to give my best to this medium-sized Monkey.
Did I wish at times to be elsewhere, have more space to myself? Yes.
Am I proud of myself I’ve risen above it & delivered a true dad experience?
Beyond satisfied.
It feels strange to see so clearly life’s not only about myself.
I’ve lost my way in the last couple months, became an egoist.
Me, mine, my.
I needed it to counterbalance 3 decades of borderline people pleasing (overcompensate to compensate) but I’m glad it has ended.
It left me feeling empty, dry, away from source - LOVE.
🏖️ Amazing Things
🏖️ Bringing the A game
I did not lose my temper.
I did not choose the easy way out.
I did not act from a place of dominance / patriarchy.
I invested my whole self into making this (and 2 previous) days wonderful FOR HIM, and thru this for US.
🏖️ Wrestlemania / burrito / golaskowo
We’ve spent 75% of the day inside, just fooling around.
It often felt like replaying some of our greatest hits, but in a good sense.
We jumped, we played, we were really together.
Just as it should be.
🏖️ “Sing” in our home cinema
Hugi adores tv.
I secretly do too.
Watching movies with him might be one of my favourite things to do.
Especially such heart-grabbers.
Double when they’re musicals, and we follow along with our dance party.
Cherry on top?
The message: You can rise above fear. You can rebuild. You can be alive! Together!
🏖️ Picnic near the pond
It didn’t last long, but it was a nice one.
Even the dogs joined us.
God, I might be repeating myself, but making him happy is my joy.
🏖️ Every time he wanted to hug, be carried on hands, didn’t want to leave my side
He needed me, wanted me, acted as if he loved me.
I’m almost sure he does ;)
Is there a greater satisfaction for a dad?
🏖️ Nap walk & feeling like I’m breaking thru to new depths of authenticity, freedom, being me
The last couple days had maximum impact on how I view the world & myself.
I can’t put it into fancy words just yet, but it’s a proper breakthrough.
What’s important it’s not a forced one, effect of pushing myself over the limit, self-walking the plank.
It’s an aftereffect of showering myself & my loved ones with true love, returning to a place of peace, kindness, natural, HOME.