🦾 8 September 2023 SUP, What's Going On?
🦾 8 September 2023 SUP, What's Going On?
I’m in the “gym” (green?)
German Volume Training + Breathwork + Meditation = feeling energized AND calm.
What’s going on in my life?
A. Devouring the last summer days
'I’m catching every ray, charging the summer stories tank.
Outdoor workouts, jacuzzi, bikes, swingin’, playgrounds, ice cream, SUP, all that jazz - I’m ALL IN.
Could I be working more?
Maybe, I don’t know.
What I know, however, these summer days will be gone soon.
Cheri, Cheri, Cherish them!
⛱️ Highlight of the day: Sup / Jumps / Attack of a Bloodsuckin’ Leech
One of my favourite memories of this Summer.
Epicly warm day, Nati at work, the Boyz in full adventure mode.
There aren’t many things in this world I love more than being in the water with my Best Bud.
His explosions of happiness every time he jumped off the board to our pond are Life. (That was his debut in the pond btw)
What made this afternoon even more memorable was a fucking leech.
It sucked onto my leg so tight, I needed to hit it with a paddle to drop it off.
I got a feeling this story will live a looong time.
Epic time.
B. Work
I’m helping C+K with the deck.
I’m writing/creating A LOT.
I’m experimenting with form (scanner, stories)
I have a super project lined up in Warsaw.
Not too bad, right?
I feel however, this is not enough
I’d love to share more of what I create
I’d love to get paid subscribers
I’d love to find my way of creating & sharing that both feels natural & joyful, as well as opens opportunities, builds friendships, and brings money
I’d love to get enough money to make Spain Trip a reality.
I’d love to escape constant worry about money
Oh, and most importantly: Do Not Get Tense & Distant bc Work
Here’s my most honest observation about the current situation:
I’m scared.
I’m scared people will not like what I create.
I’m scared they will never pay money for it / to me.
I’m scared getting a project is not as easy as I always said to myself.
I’m scared of losing the comfort I have now (no fixed hours, deadlines, limited off days)
I'm scared how will I sustain our new lifestyle, 2nd baby, and all the change financially
I’m scared I will forever stay suffocating because of lack of money
I’m scared nobody will want to work with me
I’m scared I’ll self-sabotage myself out of anything good…
Looking objectively at what I just wrote, it’s obvious that work is one giant minefield for my psyche.
Lofty expectations, dysfunctional patterns, limited time to invest in this area of life, outside pressure, possible bad brain wiring (almost certain →4,5 years of mixed experiences in this area definitely left a scar), it’s normal I often feel like sinking.
The big takeaway from the last couple of months is:
you can’t (fully) think your way out of a situation like this.
Without confirmatory action,
agency,
the problem only deepens.
(A family of DEERS just passed me)
Now, the tricky part
My learned response to a stressful situation like the current one, was to throw myself head-first into achieving, regardless of the emotional havoc this intensity (obsessiveness?) always brought.
I got “productive” at the cost of falling life satisfaction, distancing from family & social life, physical health (classic sleep problems), and mental (let’s not pretend anymore these intense, pushy periods don’t lead me to the verge of crazy…)
This mode of behaviour is from now on
PROHIBITED.
let’s build a new way…
Here’s how it’s gonna go down:
A. Focus
less moves, more action.
The time constraints I work under (it is what it is = reality) are an invitation to be more precise, and through that, powerful (hit the needle head with a hammer-zen)
I do need my unrestrained, flowy, creative hours, but I also need to invest time & attention into the moves that push the monetary needle.
I can be ruthlessly effective in that, I’ve proven this to myself times & times again.
I do have the power AND focus.
B. Less thinking, planning, visualizing scenarios, more Doing
Another round of option brainstorming will not solve anything.
I do conceptually grasp the situation, the goals, and potential routes.
Now is the time to venture out of the mind, and bring my ideas to Life, make the actual moves in reality
And this my friends, leads to the Final Boss: FEAR
C. Fear
Whatever doubt & anxiety I feel, remember:
ANXIETY SI JUST CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT MYSELF.
None of the self-depreciating, negative, limiting words my brain talks to me when I work is real.
I am capable of
solving this situation
living a financial - stress-free life
creating what I love & others enjoy
taking “risks”
living a work-stress/panic-free life
earning enough money to go to Spain
of being a business partner/working together
of not getting obsessive because of work
of balancing work with other areas
of living the best of my days, while thriving at work&money
Oh, it feels good to get this out of system.
A step forward.
Now, let’s follow along the manifesto,
and get the ball moving.
Without excessive pressure, obviously.
Big UP!
