Existential Crisis
6 August 2024 / Summer Contrast, Rogalinko, Poland
It might be just drug-comedown talking, but I’m in a serious existential crisis today.
I’m “living my dream”, doing media work for an electronic music festival, and it feels flat.
To be honest, not much excites me anymore.
Everything I thought I wanted doesn’t bring what I’m seeking.
Maybe that’s the whole purpose of this era?
Maybe I’m here to finally realize I’m on the wrong path?
Is the Instagram life & living delivering what makes me nourished, grounded & deep happy?
I don’t see it…
I’m scared.
What is the alternative?
I’m so invested into “art” “creating” “social” I feel terrified of looking elsewhere.
Is this my Siddhartha moment?
If I were to pinpoint the factors truly contributing to my wellbeing the list would be short:
Helping others
Health, diet, workouts
Family & friends
Not having to worry about money
Relaxed lifestyle
Writing
Daily fun & adventures
All the rest is BS.
Time to reprioritize & grow.
As for the job at hand…
I’ll do the best I can, if only for my internal satisfaction.
I will not become an Insta-sensation, won’t make crazy money off it, it might be an experience irrelevant to my future.
But I’m here, now.
Stepping away from life’s demands will only lead to further misery.
Get into the arena, have a great one, and move to the next mission.
Who I was doesn’t define who I am.
And for sure it doesn’t force me to go into the fault-direction.
I am free to choose my destiny.
I am free to choose.
