Out of the many journeys I could take
only one can bring the answers
I’m looking for.Within.
I can feel a shift in how I approach the unknown.
The learned procedure is to try and rearrange the outer world at all cost to limit anxiety.
The wise way is to dive inside to and make yourself at peace with whatever comes.
It’s easy to speak those “truths” but it’s not vocalising that creates change.
Can I walk the path I’m painting?
Can I change myself to cater the expansion?
I feel like I am capable of so much more, but I keep putting sticks in my own wheels.
It’s not about pushing harder only.
The key is to dissolve the breaking patterns which plague my chance.
Where I’m headed purity of soul is paramount.
The karmic residue I’ve created must be cleaned.
A fresh state is where I find my way anew.
I’m not even sure what this all means.
There’s just a feeling deep in my body whispering to clean up my act.
Not for praise, not for whoop points.
It’s just that, you know, flowers blossom best in uncontaminated environments.
If the light shall give most radiance, you gotta clean up the dirt from the surface first.
And don’t get me wrong here, please.
We’re not chasing enlightenment nor applause.
This is not a way of compensating for low self-worth with perfectionism.
I’m just curious what happens when I commit.
And not to some word, success, or identity.
Commit to the expansion of Self, to not dimming my light, to being Bartosz I truly know I am.
This is a journey of rediscovering my core.
Where it’s leading?
Nowhere, and everywhere at once.
Love, Bartosz
I am grateful for:
♡ Co-sleeping with Hugi (despite lower quality sleep.)
On one hand, the mid-night forehead kisses, multiple hugs, and “I love you” said in-sleep. On the other, my REM. I can catch up on the rest later in the day, but nobody will give me back those moments once they pass. How many more years will he stay in our bed? Time is moving fast. Cherish these fleeting miracles while they still last!
♡ How at ease in my feeling with my parents.
The only thing I’m feeling towards mom & pops is love, respect, and gratitude. I can now say confidently, I’ve healed from resentment, wrath, and pain past years caused. This relationship is a prime example how much things can change given enough conscious effort and boundless affection. I’m proud of myself for how I evolved.
♡ Reconnecting with the deeper.
Everything I’ve talked about today seems very true. After years of pure outward focus, it’s time to rebalance the life scales again. Remember how at peace I could feel when we had nothing, in obscure clothes, in the small Tczew-Vistula flat mid Covid? How is it possible I’m more anxious now when so many things are going great?
The answer is within.