Winning and Contentment
18 August 2024, Boroszewo
I’m confused.
My current reality is fabulous on one hand (health, family, love) and super anxiety-provoking on the other (work, future).
I’m perpetually stuck between moments of gratitude & awe (it felt just divine spending time in “Observatory” with Hugi today in the morning) and restless thinking about what to do work-wise.
I wish I already had the answers, or at least semi-know where to start.
This state of inaction, overthinking, and soul-searching is driving me nuts.
I want a way out.
Maybe I’m thinking about it all wrong?
Maybe my current state is only tough because I make it so?
If I didn’t press myself so much to already know solutions, and focused just on asking the right questions, wouldn’t my suffering be mostly gone?
I’m living a tremendous life.
I’m surrounded by love, my dearest ones are mostly healthy, we have food, drink, and hell lotta adventures.
I even get to chill in the jacuzzi whenever I want!
Is it wise to let career-uncertainty to take away my happiness?
There’s always gonna be something.
My relatives will eventually get sick.
The world might get violent.
Unlucky events might unfold.
Life will never be all smooth sailing, at least on the surface.
I will not find lasting happiness if I keep making it conditional upon having zero problems and everything figured out.
This will never happen.
I need to change my optics.
Be happy regardless.
All facades might be falling, cats & dogs raining from above, and I’m still dancing to the inner joy.
Yes, I do need to put in the work to transform the dysfunctional in my work-life.
Yes, a change is due.
But what if I opted to remain happy while I’m building the way?
This life is a strange beast.
We chase, we rush, we spend our days anxious about what’s to come.
Funnily, when we eventually get what we want, we immediately move to a new goal and relaunch the anxiety cycle.
We’re not ever satisfied.
It’s time to ask myself, do I want to keep living inside this fear hamster wheel?
Is there a way to break free?
How would it feel to approach living, including working toward lofty goals, from a place of abundance and unshakeable inner joy?
Could I, Bartosz Trocha, historically an over-overthinker and anxiety-fiend become stress-free?
It’s never been about final destinations, buddy.
It’s the merrily journey that’s the whole meaning of it all.
Work hard towards your dream, goals do give purpose.
Just remember to stay happy as you go.
Winning and contentment.